Action for M.E.

No matter how poorly you get with your M.E. symptoms, it's always possible to make new friends.

Where have all my friends gone?

Sometimes it feels that now you are ill, a lot of your friends have stopped contacting you. It can be very confusing and sometimes frightening for your friends to watch you go from being a fit young person to one who may be housebound.

When you first become ill you may or may not have a diagnosis of M.E. While you know that you have a range of symptoms that change throughout the day and can alter in severity from day to day, your friends may think you look the same. They don't understand what has happened, they may worry that it's catching or that they won't be able to hang out with you any more.

Sometimes it's just easier for them to stay away and not have to think about what has happened to you.

How do I cope with losing my friends?

It can be really hard to face up to the fact that the person who you thought was your best or close friend does not have the bottle to stand by you when you're ill.

You may try to work out why your friend has stopped phoning/ texting/ emailing or coming round. It's probably just because they don't know how to handle your illness. You could try to explain how you feel but don't worry if this doesn't make any difference. You just have to face it - they are not the true friend you hoped they were. Don't worry about these people; it's much better to value the real friendships you have.

Valuing the real friends

The real friends you have are the ones who stick by you during the difficult times as well as the easy times. Even though they are getting on with their own busy lives, they manage to stay in contact over the weeks and months.

It's important that you tell them how you feel, but maybe think about how this will affect them. Every time they catch up with you they may be left feeling sad that they can't do more to change your situation. Try and vary what you talk about. Ask your friends about all their news and news about other friends. Tell them about what you have done or read or watched, even the smallest thing can be of interest.

Make sure your real friends know how much you value their friendship.

How to find new friends?

When you are house/ bed bound or your social outings are severely limited, how on earth are you supposed to meet new people? Young person, Alex Bacon has a whole range of great tried and tested suggestions:

Write to pen pals - one of the best things to boost you when you're down is to receive a letter. It's a great way to make friends around the world too.
Try an evening class or college course.
Get out when you can. This can be really difficult but just going out occasionally can be enough to help you maintain your social life.
Join your local M.E. support group. Often there are younger people there who you can get chatting to.
Join the Association for young people with M.E. (AYME) for 25s and under. I have met lots of interesting people through it and made some very good friends.
Join a friendship or social group. Aquamarine ([email protected] text/phone 07814 832123) is a group specifically aimed at young people with M.E. or post a message on the Interaction magazine notice board and see what happens.
Use other methods of communication to keep in touch. If writing is too tiring try phoning or email - this is a cheap and useful way of sending pictures and online greetings cards and great if you can't get out of the house to send them!
Use text messaging. Most young people have mobiles and it's a good way to let someone know that you are thinking about them.

Be careful

Whichever way you chose to make contact with new people, just make sure you don't give out your home and contact details to anyone you are unsure of. You can't be 100% certain of who you are talking to in any internet chat room. Be aware that people can pretend they're a young person, just to be able to talk to you about private things. Use your common sense and check out safe surfing.

Information produced March 2004