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Are you confused and worried by your friend's M.E.?
M.E. can be a frightening illness for the person who has been affected and their family/ friends. Your friend was probably quite active, maybe playing sports, going out at the weekend and enjoying life. Today they are stuck at home with a range of strange symptoms that vary during the day and from day to day.
Your friend may be feeling really down, anxious and frustrated. They may find it hard to sleep, concentrate or remember things. These are all M.E. symptoms and not related to anything that you have done, so don't feel hurt if your friend doesn't treat you in the same way they used to.
Being there for your friend at this difficult, lonely and scary time will mean the world to your friend. How would you like to be in their shoes? What would you like from your friends if you were ill for a long time?
What can you do to help them?
It's as simple as that! Keep in regular contact by email, phone or text. Your friend may find that visits are extremely exhausting or can trigger other symptoms (e.g. sore throats, headaches, muscle pain) so check what's the easiest for them.
It may be that for some weeks your friend might not be well enough to reply to your messages or calls. This doesn't mean that they're no longer your friend. It is still important to them that you carry on making contact; they'll soon be in touch again once they feel brighter.
Make sure you tell them all your news - what's happening at school, what's the news from your friends and all the latest celebrity gossip, favourite TV programme news and sports updates. Don't feel guilty that you have lots going on and your friend isn't able to join in.
But be aware, one of your friend's symptoms may be 'brain fog'. This means that it's really hard to concentrate and take in lots of information. So it might be better to tell them all the news in small chunks.
Often it can take a long time before your friend's illness is diagnosed as M.E. In the meantime they can experience disbelief from family and friends. It's hard not knowing what's wrong with you and even worse when friends and family don't support you.
Some people may have accused them of 'attention seeking' or making up their symptoms. It is very unlikely that your friend would do this. Listen to them when they tell you about how they feel and try and understand the range of symptoms.
M.E. can take many months to recover from. But the good news is, most young people make a good recovery over time. You will have to be patient with your friend during this time, as pressurising them to come out or back to school, may end up with your friend having what is called a 'relapse', which means they go back to being very ill again.
Just spending time with your friend, watching TV, looking at mags or surfing the web will be really appreciated, so long as you don't stay for too long. Check with your friend how they are feeling.
Sometimes it's quite easy to tell when someone with M.E. has had enough - their eyes look tired, they may not be able to talk as clearly as they were doing and can't concentrate anymore. At this stage your friend needs to rest - just stop what you are doing and let them recover. Arrange to come round to see them at another time.
It's difficult to be patient with your friend when they're so ill, but hopefully over time they will make a recovery and you'll be able to go back to doing all those fun things you did before the M.E.
Information produced March 2004
