Action for M.E.

Having M.E. may limit how much you can do with your friends but it's great to keep in touch with them and still feel part of the outside world.

You've got mail!

Letters, emails, and text messages are M.E. friendly as you can keep them brief and send them when you choose. You can even ask other people to help you write them. To save energy you could write one letter, email or text message and copy it to everyone.

Gossip!

Phone calls are possibly the most difficult kind of communication to manage in an M.E. friendly way. The temptation is to pick up a call from a friend and then realise that you have been chatting for an hour and wonder why you feel so exhausted! It's also a myth to think that listening to someone else doesn’t use up much energy – it does!

Try not to pick up a phone call unless you feel well enough to chat. If you don't, call them back at a time that is better for you and still ok with them.
Limit the time you spend on the phone. Let your friends know you are doing this and why and ask them to help you to stick to these time limits. If they understand why they'll want to help.

Face to face

It's good to have friends over to visit or meet up with friends to do something you all enjoy. Plan short visits so that they're not too tiring. Good friends will understand if you have to change plans at the last moment or cut things short. See Telling others in You and M.E. for info on how to tell them.

Keeping up to date

When you are at home a lot it may seem like you have little news compared to your friends. Things like music, computer games, films and TV can be fairly easy to keep up with but don't worry if you don’t feel up to date with the latest. You can get around this by asking your friends questions and then just listening. People always benefit from being listened to, so you can still be a valued friend even if you feel you don’t have much to say.

It's good to talk!

Keep in mind that your friends may feel worried, scared or guilty because they can't make things better for you. Ask them how they feel and in turn be honest about your feelings – talking about things will help your friendships survive and even make them stronger.

Unfortunately, some of your friends may find it difficult to cope with the changes in your friendship and may withdraw from you. This can really hurt. If you feel really cut off from your friends or your friends are backing off, don't keep this to yourself. Talk to someone about it. Being ill, particularly for long periods of time can be a really lonely experience. See Feeling low in You and M.E. for info.

You will learn who your real friends are! Don't let negative experiences get you down and always remember that there will be opportunities to make new friends in the future.