Action for M.E.

Moving out

Leaving your parents' home when you are well is a natural move towards adulthood, although it can be a big upheaval. Leaving when you have M.E. can bring all sorts of other complications. However for some young people, these complications are worth tackling and can be overcome. Young people leave their parents home for a number of reasons, including education, moving in with a partner or friends or seeking independence.

It may be useful to jot down all the day-to-day things that you feel you can manage yourself and those that you need help to achieve. Is it realistic for you to be able to cope alone? Maybe try taking on more responsibility at your parents' home, such as cleaning, cooking or shopping, to see how you cope. How do these different activities affect your symptoms? You might then be in a better position to know which activities you can manage alone and those where you need support e.g. food shopping can be exhausting, why not try ordering your food on the web and getting it delivered?

You may be entitled to home care through your local social services. This is worth investigating before you move, so that systems are in place once you are on your own.

It's important to take a long hard think about the pros and cons of leaving home before you make the leap. Of course, some young people feel they don't have a choice as their parents are arguing, they are thrown out or they are victims of physical or sexual abuse. If you feel you have to leave home then do seek advice and support.

Some of the pros of moving out:

Independence: It'll be up to you how you live your life when you are under your own roof.
Choices: You can see who you like, when you like and where you like. You make all the decisions on what you do and when you do it. You decide what and when you eat or what to watch on TV. Don't forget though making lots of decisions can sometimes be exhausting.
Responsibility: You will be in charge of your finances, your bills, the upkeep of your home and maintaining your health and appearance.
Respect: Other people may treat you with more respect as they see you more as an adult.
Managing your M.E: You will have to learn to manage your lifestyle to prevent a relapse. This can help you understand more about your illness and provide you with a strong foundation to cope as your health improves.

Some of the cons of moving out:

Finance: You will have to find money to cover your rent, bills, food, transport and day-to-day health needs. You will also have to deal with your landlord, your bank and any other financial administrative tasks.
Housework: You will have to find the energy to get your shopping, clean your home and wash your clothes.
Equipment: You will need a certain amount of kit when you leave home. If you are renting a house/ room it may come with some basics, but you'll need to check what you are expected to take with you.
Pacing: It is harder to pace your day if you have to do everything yourself.

There is a wealth of information on the web about housing and accommodation. Make sure you get all the facts and advice before you leave as it could save you a lot of hassle.

Information produced April 2004