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Having a girl or boyfriend |
Yvette, 21
"M.E. is something we've learnt to cope with together"
"I've been seeing Russ since March 2000. He asked me to marry him in July 2000. We got engaged officially in May 2001.We moved in together in November 2001. Our little boy, Alex was born in December 2001.
Russ didn't know I suffered from M.E. when we first started going out... well, I told him on the first date and he was very understanding immediately. In fact he was cross with me for not telling him before (we'd done a lot of walking that day and he was worried I'd get poorly). I was unsure of telling him so early on in our relationship - I didn't want him to run a mile! But then I figured, if he wasn't going to be understanding from the outset, did I really want to be with him anyway?
Having M.E. affects our relationship in many ways, in some ways good and in some ways bad. From things like a housework point of view, if I'm too tired to do the ironing or cooking, it means when Russ comes in from a full day’s work, he has to start all over again doing the housework. This sometimes causes problems for me as I feel I should be able to do it all. As for Russ, he does it because he loves me but there are times when even he's too tired. Or if he's had a bad day, the last thing he wants to come home to is a sink full of dishes!
In the beginning, when we first started going out, I felt awkward with Russ pushing me in the wheelchair. I wanted to be like all the other couples that wander around holding hands, pinching kisses here and there while I was sitting in the wheelchair with my boyfriend stuck behind me! Russ realised the problem and has somehow (don't ask how!) mastered the art of either leaning over the top of me to give me a kiss or pushing one handed and walking at one side of me... he tries so hard to make me feel "normal"!
There are times when we've planned to do something, like go away for the weekend or out for the day, but I've been too ill to go. Russ is very good at understanding but disappointments like this can cause arguments - especially if he knows I'm not well enough to go but I insist on going out! Then he gets really mad! He doesn't want me to over do it and get worse, so he takes control and puts his foot down and cancels the arrangements.
I wouldn't say having M.E. affects our relationship a lot. It's something we've learnt to cope with together. I already knew how to cope with my illness before I met Russ, so it was just a matter of educating him and letting him learn to cope with it too. It didn't take him too long to figure out what wears me out and what makes me worse. At the end of the day, he loves me and I love him, and no matter what obstacles the M.E. puts in our way, we tend to find a way around it. I mean, how many people would even think about attempting to take a wheelchair, two bags of luggage, a girlfriend with M.E., a seven month old baby and a buggy on the London Underground!? He's mad, but we managed it!"
Sarah, 20
"I have been too unwell to have a boyfriend"
I have been ill for 6 years and too unwell to have a boyfriend. I hope that it won’t be a problem that I can’t have a boyfriend because I am ill. I have friends who have boyfriends and as they know I am ill, they understand and don’t treat me any different, which is really nice.
