M.E. changes your life a great deal and it's natural to feel low - no one expects you to be a bundle of laughs all the time. You may experience a variety of feelings ranging from anger and frustration to depression. If you feel you really can't cope, remember that you're not alone. Other young people with M.E. have similar experiences, and not being able to do things like attend school, college, university or work can make you feel lonely and isolated. Don't feel guilty or under pressure to 'pull yourself together'.
1. Anxiety
Anxiety is a force that can be used for good or evil... It's good when it gives you an adrenalin rush to react quicker than usual in a test or game. Anxiety is negative when it fills you with feelings of dread, fear or panic. It can even give you unpleasant symptoms such as a dry mouth, trembling or breaking out in 'cold sweat'. It's experienced by everyone and is a normal part of life. Learn to control anxiety, tame it and you will be able to use it as a positive force.
Not doing things like studying, going to work or seeing friends regularly makes you get out of practice, lose confidence and worry more. No one would expect an injured footballer to score a goal the first time he returns to the pitch after being off it for months. Think about your situation realistically. Remember that you can only do the best you can, no one is expecting you to do loads when you are ill.
Excessive worry can make your symptoms worse so take some time out to examine your worries. Write them all down and then write down possible solutions. Look at your worries from someone else's view point and then make plans on how to work your way to a good end result. Being well prepared will give you confidence to control your feelings!
If you feel helpless and out of control, aim to get back in charge - even if its just in one area of your life. Try to stay in control of your medical care.
2. Anger
Being angry is a normal and healthy emotion experienced by everyone. Lots of things can make you see red, for example you may feel you're under a lot of pressure or that you have no control over your life or body.
Managing your anger is the tricky bit, especially as people may make you feel guilty or ashamed about expressing anger although it's sometimes necessary. Try to find a way to let it out, but remember that becoming violent is never an option. When you feel your temper flaring up, take a breather, count to 100 or just leave the room and pick up the discussion later when you've calmed down. Think of the reasons for your anger and look for peaceful solutions. The 'Boot out' list at the end of this page has more suggestions.
3. Depression
You can have a bout of feeling low or down which most people experience from time to time. However the general rule is that if you feel low for more than a few days in a row, and if it's a problem that goes on for a long time and starts to affect your daily activities you may be depressed. It is surprisingly common - 15% of teenagers are either significantly distressed or depressed at some time.
Symptoms of depression include loss of interest and pleasure, feeling bored or lonely, excessive feelings of worthlessness and guilt, even morbid and suicidal thoughts. These feelings can lead to physical symptoms such as weight loss, not being able to sleep or becoming really fussy about food or cleanliness. Depression can trigger eating problems and can even lead to the desire to harm yourself.
There are many things that you can do to feel better and there are people who are trained to help and support you through the rough ride. Check out our tips below.
So what can you do to help shift those blues? You can prepare yourself by having a coping plan to deal with negative feelings and even use them to achieve something positive. Remember that if we didn't experience some bad times we wouldn't enjoy the good ones half as much!
Chill out!
Do something you really enjoy - listen to your favourite music, watch a good film, take a relaxing bath or read a great book. Go on, spoil yourself, you know you want to!
Speak out!
Instead of bottling it all up, speak to someone about how you feel. Try talking to your parents, friends, doctor or a trained counsellor. Your doctor can help you with medication if necessary. If you're shy about speaking to someone you know, it may help to contact Childline or The Samaritans. See the links section for contact information.
Let it out!
It's perfectly ok to cry, punch a pillow or be angry if you feel like it - just be careful not to hurt anyone.
Spell it out!
Write down how you feel or draw and paint your moods. Don't limit your expressions to just when you're feeling low. Write down happy experiences and thoughts in a diary which you can look at and draw strength from when you're feeling worse.
Work it out!
Challenge yourself to take up a new hobby or project you can do from home whenever you have a scrap of energy to spare. Set realistic goals and enjoy reaching them. Focus on what you can do - not on what you can't. See Let a4M.E Entertain You! for ideas.
Eat it beat it!
Eating regular and healthy meals is really important in avoiding the blues, no one feels good on an empty stomach even if food is the last thing on your mind.
Cop out!
If you're looking for a quick fix, check out our Reality Bytes section to see how others are coping and pick up more helpful tips.
Information produced July 2003
Updated June 2004
