Beth O’Brien’s Diary (with apologies to Helen Fielding... and Bridget Jones) Thursday 25th November Hours of sleep - 4 Inches of swelling - don’t want to know Noon: ‘Trying to stay awake, and remember my name.’ Keane just sang that line on the radio - sums up mood v. well. Is really amazing how many songs there are about having M.E: ‘Insomnia’ by Faithless ‘Sunglasses at Night’ by Tiga and Zyntherius; and Procul Harum’s ‘Whiter Shade of Pale’ of course... 3p.m. Have another cold. Not enjoying it, but suppose is a good excuse to eat chilli chicken ramen and watch every film ever made by Working Title. Only now I keep expecting there to be a moving soundtrack to my day – Dido when I look soulfully out the window, something by Eva Cassidy or Joni Mitchell when I’m in the bath; something uplifting by Joss Stone when I achieve getting fully dressed. Think is time to go cold turkey on Richard Curtis films before I start confidently expecting Colin Firth to arrive at my door bearing noodles. Monday 29th November Hours of sleep - 7 Inches of swelling - 2 4p.m. This has to stop. Now when I walk into video shop, boy behind counter says ‘Hi Beth, how you feeling?’ He says he can tell if I’m having a good week as he doesn’t see me. Must find less expensive outlet for boredom and frustration. Poss origami? Fly fishing? Hmm. Wednesday 1st December Inches of swelling - 1½ Hours of sleep - 8 (good) 3p.m. Got a letter last week informing me that pacing clinic appointment had been moved to 22nd December. Bright side is they have now put me in the afternoon session. However, have to appreciate the irony that a clinic designed to help me better manage my time and energy has me coming up to London alongside two million frenzied last-minute shoppers three days before Christmas. Not v.g! Sunday 12th December Inches of swelling - 1½ Hours of sleep - 8. Progress! 7p.m. Went to do Christmas shopping today, bearing close resemblance to giant puffball, fat snowman, or similar. Like one of those tiny kids you see so wrapped up against the cold they can barely move limbs, and merely roll along unable to turn head far without removing several layers. For possibly first time in entire life, have placed awareness of the elements over stylistic consideration. 10p.m. Still, achieved successful present-buying in planned 45 minutes, except that by the time I got to second shop was tired and therefore staggered up to counter in manner of afternoon drinker, slurring speech to add to general disreputableness. Woman serving gave me supercilious look under over-plucked eyebrows which plainly said ‘we are not accustomed to this in Surrey’. Would have looked superciliously back, except that fab new hat was placed at rakish angle, and couldn’t see very well. Wednesday 15th December Inches of swelling - 1 Hours of sleep - 9. Excellent! 9p.m. Despite progress re: sleep this week, am still total bimbo at the moment. Today for instance, cooked self lovely, nutritious lunch of ravioli with roasted red peppers and tomato sauce. Then for dinner, cooked self lovely, nutritious meal of ravioli with roasted red peppers and tomato sauce. It wasn’t until I began to eat dinner, that a strange feeling of deja-vu crept over me... have come to conclusion am total liability. Saturday 18th December Inches of swelling - 1 Hours of sleep - 7 (not bad) 4p.m. Phew. Just got home. Last night went up to London to go to poetry night in Whitechapel. V.g. fun, though complicated - similar to herding cats, or staging invasion of Normandy. Took crack team of four people to get me there with modicum of energy remaining. Mum usually acts as social liaison secretary and project manager while Dad does transport and logistics phase one (i.e. driving me to London); nearby accommodation is provided by lovely friend Alex, then Mum and Dad again for transport phase two collecting me from Alex’s and taking me to meet brother, who is transport phase three (driving me home today). All worked with military precision, no idea what they were complaining about. 10p.m. Speaking of military precision, am still obsessing over really fancy lovely coat I saw, v.v. Russian army-ish, with lapels, double brass buttons and full skirted. Poss. more practical to buy pretty new pyjamas though, as shall get more use? Ow, slipped off elbow, banged chin on keyboard. Must try sleep now.