This page looks at brother and sister issues from different perspectives:
- You have a brother or sister that has M.E.
- Tips on how to cope with your brother or sister if you have M.E.
Your brother or sister has M.E.
If one member of a family has M.E. it affects the whole family. If your brother or sister has M.E. you may feel a whole load of mixed emotions, this is not unusual. You may feel:
- Frightened: M.E. can be a scary illness because there is still so much we don't understand, however it's not contagious or life- threatening. Your brother or sister will need all the love and reassurance that you can give, to help them recover. Don't be frightened; instead find out more information on M.E.
- Sad: You may be questioning why this frustrating and painful illness has affected your brother or sister. Don't feel it's anything you have done or could have done differently. We don't know for certain yet why some people get M.E. and others don't.
- Resentful: Your brother or sister's M.E. can affect what you can do as a family. You might not be able to go on holiday; you might not be able to spend as much time with your parents because they are looking after your brother or sister. It's important that you find the right moment and talk to your parents about how you are feeling.
- Jealous: You may begin to feel like your brother or sister is getting all the attention and that you're left out. Tell the other members of the family how you feel, but also remember this is a difficult time and everyone will be trying to do their best to help your brother or sister recover. You might just have to deal with your jealousy and enjoy your own health.
- Frustrated: Your brother or sister's M.E. will vary, some days they will feel slightly better and be able to do stuff with you, other days they will feel really ill and may have to rest all day. This doesn't mean that they are 'putting on' their symptoms. This is what happens when you have M.E. and it can be really frustrating.
- Angry and upset: Some days your brother or sister might get so frustrated they get really upset or very angry. This is perfectly natural. They might shout at you or say things they don't really mean. Just remember that they are ill and try and be there for them instead of arguing back. Sometimes though they may need to be reminded that saying things in the heat of the moment can be hurtful to you. Try and be as honest as possible with each other.
If you are at the same school/ college as your brother or sister you could take messages/ cards to and from friends. Keep them up to date with all the news and gossip. Try and help them feel involved and not so isolated from their usual friendship groups.
If you feel angry about the way your brother or sister has been treated, or you want to do something to help people with M.E. you could do some fundraising or awareness raising. Check out 'Get involved' for ideas and contacts.
Tips on how to cope with your brother or sister if you have M.E.
If you have M.E. and have brothers and/ or sisters you may be struggling to know how to cope with them and your illness. If you are the only member of your family that has M.E. you may find that some of your relatives are suspicious of your illness. If one of these relatives is your brother or sister it can put a strain on your relationship with them.
Some brothers and sisters may be worried about you and become more clingy. This may be too much for you, as you may just want to rest.
It may help you get on better with your brother or sister if you think about:
- Communication: Only you know how you feel so it's important that you tell your brother or sister what it's like to have M.E.
- Be clear: Your brother or sister will not be able to guess how you feeling so make sure you ask if you want anything or would like them to help you in anyway.
- Asking them how they feel: Your brother or sister will have a mixture of emotions because of your illness. Ask them about how it affects them and how they deal with it.
- Finding out what they have been doing: Even though you cannot get out as much as you want to, listening to other people tell you about their day can help you feel part of things.
- Send them jokes/ gossip/ news: If you text or use email, send funnies to your brother or sister; this'll help you feel part of the family.
Having a brother or sister can be the best thing in the world. They know what it's like to be part of your family, they have experienced similar things and they probably understand you quite well. Sometimes though because of this they can get right under your skin. You have to be patient at this difficult time and work together to make sure you don't get too cross with each other.
It might be that having M.E. will give you more time to get to know your brother or sister and this will make your friendship even stronger when you get older.
Information produced March 2004
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